Where am I today & where have I been?

Today, I am standing in a second chance. But really I think this is like the 3rd or 4th chance. I've started blogging multiple times but was not consistent and would stop. In my immaturity I'd get frustrated and discouraged when I didn't see the benefit or fruits of my labor and efforts. But when has fruit ever sprang forth the same day the seed was planted? So I guess I've been running, hiding, and avoiding. As I reflect and write this today, I thank God for his mercy and grace that has sustained me and brought me this far. I sense now that the only way forward and to progress is to follow through on the very thing I've been avoiding for years; speaking.

I have many thoughts all the time and I bounce around from one idea to the next. I feared what is normal for me will be perceived by others as disorganized, chaotic, and unuseful. I feared that speaking would cause an expectation from others and a responsibility that I truly wanted to avoid. I feared going through the process and repeating old terrible patterns of quitting before the process is complete. But taking a step back and with new revelation from God, I realized my fears were because I was getting too far ahead. Ahead of the present, ahead of the instructions God said, ahead of God period.

So, (taking a deep breath) I've decided I'm taking things one step at a time, not rushing ahead, but walking together with God in total trust and obedience. My only hope is that my transparency in the process encourages you to do the same.

-Shonna <3

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." -Proverbs 3:5-6

"As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the Lord is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him." -Psalm 18:30